No one can state with certainty because whether it is resolved by a settlement or in court can make all the difference. However, there are strategies to minimize the financial and emotional costs of a divorce. Organize your records and facts. Focus on the end game, not game playing. I can help clients understand what is important to send to my office to streamline the process and make it go as quickly and smoothly as possible.

Hire an attorney you trust and get along with someone who you know will have your and your children’s best interests at heart. Stay focused an organized, and try to be patient. Release anger in therapy, not in court.

Be proactive and strategic. Choose a lawyer who is experienced in family law so they are not learning the area of law on your dime. Prepare all necessary documents and information before meetings with your attorney. To reduce the time the lawyer needs to spends gathering information. Be concise in your communications with your attorney. Try to consolidate questions and concerns into fewer meetings or emails. Try to resolve issues out of court with the assistance of experienced counsel.  Familiarize yourself with divorce laws and procedures and set practical, realistic goals regarding the divorce process which can help avoid prolonged negotiations. Keep emotions in check and avoid escalating conflicts.

The governing principle for custody of children in New York State is the “best interests of the children,” which means there is no presumption about what the custodial arrangement will be – much less who will have custody.

There is nothing more sacred than issues concerning children. And there is no area of the law that has seen more life-altering changes than the custody and care of our children. There are few times more perilous or decisions more crucial than those encountered when a couple with children breaks up. The mere question of what will happen to the children carries with it a thousand unspoken concerns. Whom will they live with? How will they adjust? What will their new lifestyle include? When will they spend time with each parent? What about grandparents and other relatives? How do you minimize the impact of the break up on children?

Handling a custody situation properly is the most essential aspect of a divorce. As the African proverb says, “If two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.” If you really search your soul, think about what truly is best for your human and furry children, then you can present the best possibilities either through settlement or litigation to move the family to the next stage of life. While children and pets have no role in their parents’ decisions to start or end their relationship, they need to be the priority in all the decisions. 

Our animals are family and as someone who has been a Dogmom, I know the sacred role a beloved dog, cat, or even a turtle can play in a person’s life. Having been there, I will do everything I can to maintain the best possible life for the animal and for the animal’s parents.

Creating a prenuptial agreement can help avoid divorce. By discussing and outlining financial matters and expectations before marriage, by understanding the legal consequences of saying “I Do”, a couple can improve their communication and understanding which can potentially reduce conflicts later by aligning their goals and values. Knowing there is a plan in place can provide peace of mind. Especially for those with children from a previous relationship or in family businesses.

Mediation in a divorce is a process where a neutral third party, known as a mediator, helps both spouses communicate and negotiate the terms of their divorce. The mediator usually meets with both parties together to explain the process, establish ground rules and discuss the goals of the mediation. Both parties may need to provide relevant financial documents, information about assets, debts and other details which will facilitate resolution. Some sessions are done with the couple jointly. Sometimes, the mediator may meet with each spouse separately to delve deeper into specific issues or emotions which may be hindering the process. The goal of mediation is to reach mutually agreeable solutions. Once the agreement is reached, the mediator usually drafts a formal settlement agreement that outlines all the terms of the divorce. It is advisable for each party to have their own attorney review the agreement before finalizing it to ensure that their individual rights are protected and understood. After both parties have agreed and signed the settlement agreement, it is submitted to the court for approval. Once the agreement is approved, it is legally binding. 

If done properly, mediation can be less adversarial and more collaborative, often resulting in quicker resolutions and less emotional strain compared with traditional litigation, if there is transparency and respect in the process. It can provide couples with more control over the outcome of their divorce.

An experienced matrimonial lawyer who has successfully resolved family law disputes in and out of the courtroom and has in-depth knowledge of family law, which is crucial for understanding the legal implications of various decisions during mediation. Matrimonial lawyers are skilled in conflict resolution and negotiation, enabling them to facilitate discussions effectively.  They are familiar with the emotional challenges that couples face during divorce, allowing them to navigate sensitive issues with empathy and professionalism. Having experienced both sides, a seasoned family lawyer can maintain neutrality, helping both parties feel heard and understood, which is vital for a successful mediation process. They can help ensure the mediation process leads to an equitable solution, particularly regarding asset division, child custody and support issues. Experienced matrimonial lawyers often have connections to other professionals, such as financial advisors or child psychologists, who can provide additional support during mediation. They can educate both parties about their legal rights and obligations, which can facilitate more informed decision-making during negotiation.

Yes. Having your own lawyer can provide you with legal guidance to help you understand your rights and responsibilities and how the decisions discussed will affect you differently than they will a former spouse or partner. Having your own lawyer can prepare you to best gather the materials and to formulate a strategy in your best interests. Since lawyers are trained to negotiate they can advocate on your behalf for a better outcome and ensure arguments are legally sound and enforceable. If your case involves complex legal matters, having a lawyer can help navigate those intricacies. Most importantly, if one party has a history of being a bully, it is essential to have an advocate to protect your interests if you are using mediation.

• Poor communication. If a lawyer is difficult to reach, does not respond promptly to emails or calls or fails to explain legal terms clearly. 

• No specialization. If they claim to handle every type of case without a specific area of expertise, it may indicate a lack of depth of knowledge and experience.

• Pressure tactics. If they pressure you to make a quick decision or to sign contracts without giving you time to think.

• What are your fees and payment structure? 

• How will you communicate with me throughout the process?

• What are the potential outcomes I should expect?

• How will you approach negotiations and settlement? 

• Can you explain to me the divorce process.

It is essential to understand that family law in can vary significantly from state to state in the United States. States follow different laws regarding property division. Some states have “community property”, where assets acquired during the marriage are divided equally, while other states have “equitable distribution”, where property is divided fairly, but not necessarily equally. The rules governing spousal and child support also vary by state, including how support is calculated, the duration of the payments and the factors considered in awarding it. Each state also has its own laws regarding child custody arrangements. Some states require couples to undergo mediation or counseling before proceeding with a divorce, while others do not. 

It is helpful to understand the primary reason you are considering divorce and to reflect on what you want your life to look like after divorce, if you share this with your lawyer he or she can be more adept at prioritizing goals.

Not only is a divorce a time for reflection on how you want to spend your time and resources, but it is an opportunity to rediscover independence and self-reliance.  Divorce can be the fresh start to explore interests, careers and relationships that more align with who you are at this stage of your life. Navigating the complexities of divorce can enhance your skills in communication and negotiation in all aspects of your life. 

If custody is at issue, seeing a therapist can have positive and negative consequences. Having professional support can equip you with the tools and techniques to manage stress, anxiety and depression that may arise during this challenging time.  Ideally, therapy could help in your communication skills and assist in gaining clarity about your feelings and decisions. If there is a custody dispute, the communications with the therapist may not remain confidential. On balance, seeking therapy during a divorce usually outweighs the potential drawbacks, but you should be mindful that therapy will not be like Vegas, it may not stay there. 

Navigating a divorce can be emotionally challenging, but maintaining an even keel during this tumultuous time is essential to your well-being.

• Acknowledge your feelings. Accept it is normal to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger and confusion. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. 

• Establish a support system of people who will provide encouragement and understanding. 

• Practice self-care. Prioritize your physical and mental health through regular exercise, a balanced diet and adequate sleep. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. 

• If interactions with your spouse are stressful, establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional space. Limit discussions to essential topics especially when children are involved. 

• Stay organized. Keep track of important documents, appointments, and deadlines related to your divorce. Being organized can not only reduce your stress, but it can reduce your legal fees. 

• Consider therapy or counseling to process your feelings and gain coping strategies. 

• Focus on the future. Shift your attention from what you are losing to what you can gain. Set new goals for yourself and envision a position future.

• Practice mindfulness. Engage in mindfulness practices, such as mediation or deep breathing exercises to help ground yourself. 

• Limit exposure to negative influences. Avoid social media which may exacerbate your feelings. Instead seek out uplifting and positive content. 

• Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. Allow yourself the grace to move through the process at your own pace.

• One of the worst mistakes is to allow emotions to cloud your judgment, leading to impulsive decisions. Don’t engage in hostility. Allowing anger or resentment to dictate your actions can escalate conflict and complicate negotiations. 

• Ignoring legal advice. Failing to consult with or heed the advice of legal professionals can result in unfavorable outcomes regarding asset division, custody arrangements and support. 

• Hiding assets. Attempting to conceal assets from your spouse can lead to legal penalties and damage trust, which could affect future co-parenting relationships. 

• Neglecting financial planning. Not preparing for the financial implications of divorce can lead to long term financial instability. 

• Making rash decisions. Quick decisions about living arrangements, child custody or asset division can have lasting consequences. 

• Involving children in conflicts.  Using children as pawns or exposing them to disputes can harm their emotional well-being and damage relationships.

• Handling a divorce with care, seeking and following professional guidance can mitigate these mistakes.

Consult with a matrimonial lawyer as soon as there is a possibility of a breakup. Know your rights and responsibilities before you take any action. Gather all your financial records. Order your credit report. 

A separation agreement is a legal document created when a married couple decides to live apart, but does not formally divorce. It outlines the terms and conditions of their separation, including issues such as child custody, child support, division of property and spousal support. A separation agreement can be beneficial for couples who want to take time apart while still remaining legally married. 

A divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage. When a couple gets divorced, they are no longer legally married. The court finalizes the division of property, custody and support matters. DIvorce often involves a more formal process than a separation agreement, including court appearances. 

A cohabitation agreement is a legal document created by a couple who live together, but are not married. It outlines the rights and responsibilities of each partner regarding property, finances, and other matters. The positives are it provides clarity regarding financial responsibilities and property ownership, reducing potential conflicts. It can protect individual assets acquired before, during or after the relationship, ensuring that each partner retains what is theirs, as originally intended. Couples can establish how expenses will be shared, hoping to avoid misunderstandings. While the cost to prepare the agreement is a negative, discussing and creating a cohabitation agreement is an ideal way to provide peace of mind regarding the couple’s commitment and future.

A postnuptial agreement is a legal contract entered into by married couples which can outline the division of assets, debts, and other financial matters in the event of death, separation or divorce. Inheritance, significant changes in income or the acquisition of new assets, can create conflict and misunderstandings. Which can be reduced by creating a postnuptial agreement. To be enforceable, certain requirements must be met, such as it must be a notarized writing executed by the parties without coercion.  

Have an honest discussion with your partner or spouse about the reasons for the agreement. It is important to approach the topic with sensitivity to avoid misunderstandings. Determine what you want to achieve. This might include protecting assets, outlining financial responsibilities or addressing potential future scenarios. Collect documentation of financial information that may be relevant. This includes bank statements, property deeds, investment accounts and retirement plans. Both parties should seek independent legal advice to ensure each person understands the rights and responsibilities in the agreement, and that the agreement is fair and enforceable. Consider how you want to handle property division in the event of a divorce, death or breakup. Outline what assets are to be considered marital property and which are to be separate. Think about how the agreement might need to address future changes in circumstances. Be transparent. Both parties should be open about their financial situations. Hiding assets or not fully disclosing financial information can lead to disputes later. Work with your attorneys to draft a clear, comprehensive document that reflects both parties’ wishes. Be such to include all necessary details and contingencies of concern to each of you. Take time to review the agreement carefully. Once the parties are satisfied, sign the agreement before a notary. Make sure to follow any state-specific legal requirements for the agreement to be valid. Keep copies of the signed agreement for your records and share it with your accountant and estate lawyer.

Hire an experienced matrimonial lawyer who understands narcissistic personality traits and behaviors. This knowledge can help you anticipate their actions and reactions. Engage with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse. Surround yourself with trusted friends and family who can offer emotional and practical support throughout the process, but understand that the conversations you are having with them may not be confidential. Keep records of interactions, communications and any incidents that occur. This can be useful in legal proceedings. Find a family lawyer who understands the unique challenges of divorcing a narcissist, including custody and property division.  Narcissists often thrive on emotional reactions. Try to remain calm, don’t engage in their attempts to provoke you. Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate. Stick to boundaries to protect your well-being. Keep your objectives clear, whether they involve custody arrangements, financial matters or other issues. Stay focused on what you need to achieve. The effects of a narcissistic relationship can be long-lasting. Consider your mental health and future well-being as you move forward. Divorcing a narcissist may take time and patience, but with preparation and support, you can get to the other side successfully.

Life insurance policies can be an asset in a divorce settlement. Term insurance is oftentimes required to ensure support payments are met in the event of death. Before obligations are fulfilled, it is important to review and possibly change beneficiary designations on life insurance policies to reflect new circumstances and intentions.

Signing a joint tax return is one of those very critical legal acts that too many individuals carelessly sleepwalk through. Signing a joint tax return should be a time of introspection and scrutiny. If a spouse is not current on his or her tax obligations, co-signing (even with a perfect indemnification agreement) exposes a party to pay their spouse’s tax liabilities, as well as interest and penalties for any years in which they file joint tax returns. If you are considering filing jointly, you should try to agree on as many particulars as possible concerning the returns prior to doing so. Try to agree on the identity of the professionals, who will be involved, how the costs of the preparation of the returns and potential scrutiny will be handled, how any liabilities or refunds will be managed, and what documentation can and should be examined before execution of the returns. If there is any issue about filing together, you should have a calculation done to determine the difference between filing jointly or separately. If there is no discernible reason to file separately and filing jointly would save the family substantial funds, that factor can be raised to a court as a wasting of assets.

Without proper legal guidance, you might not fully understand your financial situation, you may miss deadlines for filing claims, and create bad precedents leading to poor decisions regarding or protecting your rights regarding asset division and support. Delays can also allow conflicts to escalate potentially creating a more complicated and contentious legal situation. If children are involved, delay may impact potential custody and child support arrangements. Without proper legal advice you will be at a disadvantage during negotiations, potentially leading to years of unfavorable terms.

After a divorce a spouse can lose health insurance coverage if he or she is on the spouse’s plan. COBRA the Consolidated Omnibus Reconciliation Act allows a former spouse  to continue to have coverage for a limited period of time. The cost of COBRA may motivate the former spouse to explore other insurance options. If there are children, parents should decide who should continue coverage and how to allocate the costs. If a spouse has a serious medical condition, it is essential to evaluate how the potential termination of coverage might affect his or her financial needs.

If you are married for more than ten years you may be entitled to your ex-spouse’s benefits. If you are eligible for Social Security based upon your own employment record, a divorce will not affect your entitlement. Since the law concerning Social Security changes, it is essential to evaluate how divorce will affect your claims. If you are married for almost ten years, you should explore the possibility of finalizing the divorce judgment after the tenth anniversary to secure your rights.

If there is a power imbalance or serious mental health issues, especially a history of domestic violence, mediation may not be the right option. If parties are unable to communicate civilly or be transparent about finances, it may not work.

Divorce often involves determining where and with whom children will reside. Relocation with a child may require the consent of the other parent or of the court. This issue is one of the most challenging in family law to resolve, as the distance involved can impact every aspect of a child’s life and each parent’s life. The governing principle is “the best interests of the child” which requires a deep exploration  on the impact on the child’s emotional well-being, education, social life and relationship with each parent. The reason for the relocation is a fundamental factor in this evaluation. As a lawyer this is the most challenging case to solve as compromise is rarely an option.

Legal custody is the right to make important decisions in a child’s life, such as decisions related to education, health care, religion and general welfare. There are many variations of legal custody. Sole custody is when one parent has the authority to make decisions; joint custody is when both parents share authority. Some couples have certain zones where one parent has authority over certain areas of decisions, such as education, and the other parent has authority over different areas such as healthcare.

Physical custody involves the child’s living arrangement and daily care.